Why talk about resilience? Because that's what I need to have on a daily basis. This word is part of my rehabilitation and now, of my vocabulary. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from a traumatic event. Last November, during a new training several symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder suddenly appeared. That day, my life changed. I never imagined the hell that awaited me. Having to deal with a completely unknown demon through flashbacks and nightmares (to name only these 2 symptoms)… repeatedly. Imagine going to bed at night and knowing that you will have unspeakably violent nightmares. The symptoms I had them all. I didn't ask for any of that. I do not want it. And I have to accept it on top of that.
Today, a few months later, I still face it. They will surely remain in part. But I will be stronger. I'm learning like I've never learned. You wouldn't imagine having to go through this kind of torrent but it is absolutely necessary to keep the rudder when it hits you. One day, during my studies, a person came to discuss his trauma suffered in the performance of his duties. I admit to having been touched but nothing more. I didn't know what he was talking about. Now I understand him and when he spoke of fear now I have the same look he had. Post-traumatic stress disorder does exist. We talk about it but we do nothing to avoid falling. We forge a thick shell to get through everything we see, hear and experience every day. So when we talk about it, our brain tells itself that it will put these difficult events in the same place as the others. We don't exercise and let it go until the day it happens. We are not equipped to face it believe me.
I would tell you to talk about it. Whether with a friend, colleague or even family. Seek professional help. Don't isolate yourself and keep it to yourself. You are normal to experience these emotions. I won't hide from you that it is difficult to have the right support right now. I am lucky and blessed to have such a involved team. Emergency responders need a 24-hour phone line with specialists who can support them and act quickly to avoid going where I have been. We need to help each other more and don't let hasty judgments come over you. We are all beings with different personalities, with different backgrounds, but deep down we are all humans.
Take car of you.