One day at a time...

You will excuse my absence for a week or two. You know how to deal with post-traumatic stress disorder is a daily struggle. External stressors greatly affect my daily life so concentration was much more difficult. You know, having these symptoms is not only debilitating but most of all unwanted. I would like so much to be like before without having to "deal" with all these external situations. I find myself impatient, I judge myself and I find myself very slow. My mind constantly wants to go on new adventures but my emotional brings me back pretty quickly to this new reality.

My most powerful current symptoms are hypersensitivity to noise, flashbacks and nightmares, severe fatigue, and trouble concentrating. But let's take one of these symptoms, like concentration disorder, and quickly explain what is happening in my daily life. So when the time comes, for example, to write a text, my cognitive mind gets confused. Just putting all of these ideas in line takes energy and precious time. It's like, in my head, it's still the blank page syndrome. You know when you're always looking for an idea and it doesn't come easily. So this is how I feel. We don't realize how natural it is to think and do the easy tasks of everyday life, but all of a sudden everything becomes very thorny. What if you forget some words. You know it but you are unable to find it and say it. So that's part of the impact of the trauma on me. Like my dear godmother, I make lists on everything. Each Barbaproblème has its Barbasolution as I would say to my daughter.

Imagine for a moment that these symptoms, as I name them, can prevent you from taking proper care of your family, prevent you from going to the grocery store during busy hours or can even prevent you from driving on certain days. or over a long period for example. Two sounds simultaneously cause an unbearable cacophony. And you know what? You have to learn to manage your emotions through all of this. Have you ever stopped to deal with your emotions? This is my daily job, every minute in fact. Let's say I didn't used to stop there. It takes energy, a lot of energy. I work hard or even very hard because my desire to come back "normal" is much greater than the traces left by this trauma. I will now be different. I am rebuilding myself little by little and I begin to see a gleam in the distance. I have an extraordinary entourage who have supported me from the very beginning.

I would have liked to talk to you about something else today but these thoughts are invasive and living them while writing will also allow me to move on. It leaves space to imagine yourself on an adventure somewhere rather than constantly coming back to the past. Living in the moment is easy to say, but actually getting there is another story. Each clash brings me a new reality. I learn from each of its trials and come out, surprisingly, grown. I reconnect with this self that I have forgotten for several years. One example, nature. I am an unconditional magnet for nature and the outdoors. I had forgotten how good it is to be there. I find this taste again and I appreciate it more.

I did not understand the work of the occupational therapist in my journey. In fact, it is an unknown profession on my part. I would not have believed either that the brain could "erase" certain acquired knowledge such as the structure of a day. Relearning his brain to reorganize, that's what I do. The brain is fascinating. Not easy to follow but fascinating.

So you see, I am attacking several fronts at the same time in the hope of better days. I have confidence in life and it will put me back in better shape than before. Finally, here is an important definition to remember.

"Resilience, the ability of an individual to build and live satisfactorily despite traumatic circumstances." I like the art of navigating the torrents,

I am still learning how the site works, so one day this text will be bilingual.


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